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“There’s a sense of wonder and a spark of imagination at the heart of the Super Mario Bros. games, and as children we pick up on that right away. Then, over time, most people lose that spark. School, career, social engagements, relationship drama, mortgage payments, credit card debt, medical ailments, and other things that we … Read more

Like a sad bandwagon-jumping pranny, I have written a letter to the BBC Trust. God, it’s almost as if I believe people can do something to affect the world they live in. Muppet. So I plugged my mate’s book, just to keep myself feeling like it was self-serving, cynical and ironic, rather than a heartfelt … Read more

So with video games off the menu until the end of Lent, I just finished reading Northern Lights, the first book in Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy. Yes, yes, I know I’m way behind the times, but better late than never, eh? My verdict on the first book? Loved it. After years of editing … Read more

So yeah, Pancake Day is upon us, like, well, a pancake, that has finally unpeeled itself from the ceiling and dropped, moist and lukewarm onto our upturned faces. I love pancakes. They are the best food. I always do my best to celebrate pancake day by gorging myself in a hurried and unselfconscious manner. But … Read more

So, uh, yeah. Doesn’t time fly? It’s been a year to the day since I started the Cone O’ Tragedy. Frankly, I’m surprised (and pleased) it’s staggered on this long, like a plucky lil’ zombie. So happy birthday, my blog. Well done! Like a drunk lost in an disused railway tunnel, you yell your barely … Read more

Apologies for the spotty updates so far this 2010 – I’m hella busy with lots of pseudo-exciting stuff that may or may not come to fruition, and some of that will involve my posting sporadically worthwhile things on this here blog for your perusal. I do enjoy having a meagre platform for my first drafts … Read more

So, I just realised I’ve never posted up this track by John Darnielle of The Mountain Goats and Kaki King. It’s written from the perspective of one of the Mushroom Retainers (or ‘Toads’) that Mario saves at the end of each castle in Super Mario Bros. Toad was my favourite character in Super Mario Bros … Read more

Hey you. Nice to see you again. You’re looking well. Have you had a haircut? Sure? Well your hair looks great today, then. You’re welcome. I had a pretty Kinder Bueno 2009, all told. My first (maybe only!) book came out, I got to do gigs with Vic Reeves, Jon Ronson and Tim Key, I … Read more

So, I’ve really wanted to know this since ever, but I kept forgetting to ask someone in the legal profession who could appraise me of the facts. Now T-Rex of the robustly entertaining Dinosaur Comics has answered my query! I recognise no higher authority in the world of jurisprudence. My question was: can you put … Read more

So it’s nice to see my old chum and fellow Aisle16er Luke Wright has been back blogging after a long period of sporadic comms. In my continuing efforts to bore the tits off of all my readers equally (my video game posts have a consistent knack for making at least 50% of eyes glaze over) … Read more

So it’s that time of year again. But while you might be hanging festive wreaths and guzzling Coca-cola, I’m celebrating the season of goodwill by reading the Onion AV Club’s annual Worst Band Names list. Here are the lists from 2008 and 2007. Most of these names are so crap it’s impossible to imagine they … Read more

This Thursday 17th December, I’ll be performing with all seven members of Aisle16 at The Monto Water Rats Theatre, on Grays Inn Road. It’s exceptionally rare that all of us are in the same place to do a gig, aside from the late night ‘Aisle16 and Friends’ sessions at Latitude festival. A good portion of … Read more

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmNb3xJFzkc] I wonder how this chap would feel if he knew that, within the latest versions of Pokémon, they have their own church you can visit, laid out like a conventional Christian church, where people worship the Earth and Pokémon. No joke. Plus there are Ghost Pokémon who are literally the resurrected ghosts of dead … Read more

In The Lord Of King, you play some beardy dude who pulls a magic fire axe out of a stone, becoming, in the process, a king. But not just any king. Oh no… You’re the Lord of King! Gooowaaaaarggghhh! The rest of the game sees you waddling about hacking at weird mantis-creatures, skeletons, cruel wingéd … Read more

Hello, yes, it’s me, Tim Clare, inviting you to watch my strange, infrequent ritual of poking a shotgun muzzle into a barrel of writhing pilchards, then squeezing the trigger. What’s that? Some old video games don’t hold up to close aesthetic scrutiny? No shit!! What incisive, necessary reportage! You should, like, be given a job … Read more

So yesterday I attempted to write 100 poems in a day – and succeeded! Boom. It was a weird experience. The night before, I’d done my classic thing of feeling nervous and excited ahead of a big day, so I stayed up until 4am playing a Japanese RPG and reading Ted Hughes’ Crow (which I … Read more

The day of judgement is upon us – tomorrow I attempt to write 100 poems in a day You’ll be able to check my progress on the blog and on my Twitterfeed, and join in if you want to. Err… cheers to all the people who’ve sent me poem titles or generally said ‘Jesus… good … Read more

So, the 100 Poems In A Day Project has an official blog! Also, an official kickoff time. 9am, this Thursday. Aww crap. I’m actually going to have to do it now. Will you join me? You know, if anyone has ideas for poem titles on the day itself, do suggest them, and I guess I’ll … Read more

This wasn’t a speed poem. I took a while over it and have no excuses other than a dearth of craft. The Wall The men are building a wall. On top of the wall is a large cobalt blue radioWith armoured sides and black rubberShock absorbers,SingingLike a hornet trappedIn an ear trumpet.It is built for … Read more

I’ve already received a whole bunch of awesome suggested poem titles for the 100 Poems In A Day Project. There’s a great variety of facetious, serious, abstract and specific lines there for me – and everyone else who decides to join in – to work from. Thanks peeps! Please keep them coming! So, since I … Read more

I was chatting to poet, author and magma-arteried destroyer of worlds John Osborne this weekend, when he mentioned discovering that a poet we both knew had never heard of speed poems. Well, here’s a pathetically small potential controversy to rock my friends and the poetry world at large – up until a few minutes ago, … Read more

Hey, hey, hey, if you tune into to Radio 4 this Thursday, 19th November, at 11:30am, you’ll be able to hear a show about the Oulipo, where they chat to me and my fellow Aisle16ers Ross Sutherland and Joe Dunthorne about our Oulipo-inspired poems and our show about our attempt to infiltrate the Oulipo, Found … Read more

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ulbotKa5LnM](via the ever-giving Metafilter) I love video games, and, as some of you may know, I’ve written dialogue for games too, as well as helping cast and direct voice actors. So, you know, I get a little piqued when game companies release titles with crappy dialogue. What’s the point of pouring all that time and … Read more

Hey look, Christmas is just around the corner. If you’re stuck for a present for that frustrated writer in your family, or that artsy depressive, or that smug schadenfreude-loving accountant, then you could do a lot worse than snapping up a copy of We Can’t All Be Astronauts, my award-winning book about desperately wanting to … Read more

So ‘Cone O’ Tragedy’ ticks just about every ‘Don’t’ in the list of bad blog design. Whenever I put up another piece about some obscure arcade game and what I think about it, I alienate most of my artsy, poetic audience. Whenever I write about my opinions on the UK performance poetry scene, everyone who … Read more