So it’s that time of year again. But while you might be hanging festive wreaths and guzzling Coca-cola, I’m celebrating the season of goodwill by reading the Onion AV Club’s annual Worst Band Names list. Here are the lists from 2008 and 2007.
Most of these names are so crap it’s impossible to imagine they weren’t the unhappy result of a three-week meth-binge or aggressive mental illness. The ‘Funk Bands With “Funk” Somewhere In Their Name’ category (now called ‘Funk Bands Will Never Get It’) has become a reliable old favourite, with candidates like Clusterfunk, Dysfunkshun Junkshun, United We Funk and Hubble Funk-o-Scope, as has the ‘We’re So Heavy, Dude’ category: Black Arrows Of Filth & Impurity, May This Day Perish, Disthroned Agony and Carnal Befoulment are just a few of the hardcore monickers to grace the lists. Rock.
Yet, this welter of dreadful notwithstanding, one or two back unwittingly into genius. My ‘So Bad They’re Kind Of Awesome’ name picks from this year’s list include Fuckface Unstoppable, Vagina Panther, and a Manchester MC who calls himself ‘John The Raptist’. John The Raptist?! Don’t look at me like that. Come on. Literal genius. Oh, and it was nice to see Dananananakroyd finally get a mention. I’ve seen them live twice this year, and not only do they put on a really belting show, but they seem like very sweet boys – you just want to take them home, give their grubby faces a spit-wipe and feed them some sausage and mash. Well, I do, anyway.