Blog

Hello friends. I hope you’re doing well and looking after yourselves. I’ve been posting less on this website of late, confining most of my outpourings to Twitter (which you should follow me on – link to the right). I tend to assume everyone knows what I’m up to by a sort of quasi hive mind … Read more

Noah’s Ark & Grill Come, traveller, to a simpler time Where dirty kitchens aren’t a crime And diarrhoea flows like wine It’s Noah’s Ark & Grill The walls have ears – so does the veal There’s elbow grease in every meal The champagne’s fake, the hooves are real At Noah’s Ark & Grill The safety’s … Read more

Once a year I do a project called ‘100 Poems In A Day’, where I write 100 Poems between 9am and midnight, using titles suggested by you. Not literally you, (that would be weird) ‘you’ the public. It was great fun, a bit surreal, and often rude. You should read the poems I wrote by … Read more

The final show of this season of Homework (our literary cabaret club at Bethnal Green Working Men’s Club) is coming up; it’s called Aisle16 Go Viral, and it’s our big finale. 5 of us are trying to get to the bottom of what makes a youtube video spread across the world by attempting to create … Read more

So my first ever poetry collection is available for pre-order now! It’s called Pub Stuntman and it contains the very best of my work, with pieces from when I started, ooh, a good seven years ago now, right up to brand spanking new poems never before performed. It’s being published by Nasty Little Press, who … Read more

Noble brothers and sisters, as you may be aware, I and John Osborne do a radio show every Tuesday, 12-3pm, on Future Radio. It goes out across Norwich and you can listen live, online, on the Future Radio website (which is here). We also take some of the talky bits and put them in a … Read more

Since you asked, these are my top 10 books. I was going to post them all at once but it turns out it takes me ages to write each one, because my mental filing system is in such unholy disarray. They’re in no particular order. I may well have forgotten something hugely important and will … Read more

Father announced he intended to brick up the entrance to the basement, after which, we would be forbidden from speaking of it again. He produced a telephone directory from the cork-lined cupboard beside the front door and began ringing round builders’ merchants for quotes. I watched as he stood with his back to me at … Read more

Hey, my show, How To Be A Leader, is going on tour this year. Dates up on the site soon, but the first stop is a three-date run at Battersea Arts Centre, Feb 16-18, 9pm. If you would like to book tickets, click on the image above. I’d love to see you there.

Hey so I’m going to be attempting to write 101 poems in a day on Friday 25th November. I’m doing it for fun and attention, and as a challenge to myself, but also this year people can sponsor me. Donations go to Mind, a cool charity I’m sure you’ll agree. I’m going to post poems … Read more

Sorry I haven’t posted for a while, I’m lazy. Plus I’ve been to Australia, and I’ve had both the beta of Desktop Dungeons and the new version of Starfox 64 3D to play on. But look! Here’s stuff. First, you can listen to the podcast of mine and John Osborne’s new radio show, which is … Read more

So, been up here in Edinburgh for a few days now, and finally done my first performance of How To Be A Leader. Now a whole month of performing, walking, erecting umbrellas and writing poetry awaits. Seems daunting now, but by the end I bet I’ll be sad it’s over. I did my first show … Read more

So, I’m heading up to do the Edinburgh Fringe for a month. Here’s what you need to know: 1) I am doing my new show, How To Be A Leader, at the Underbelly every day at 8:55pm. Here’s the spiel: Overthrown your corrupt government and wondering what to do next? Love democracy (in theory) but … Read more

So, here is a poem I did at last month’s Homework – it’s called ‘A Very Short Poem’. The sound does a weird crunchy thing at a couple of points, but meh, you can deal with that, right? Hey, if you like that (or even if you didn’t) you should come to this month’s Homework. … Read more

Hey, hey, so here is the artwork for my new show, How To Be A Leader. It’s by (the very talented, self-evidently) Emma Belka and I think I’m allowed to say it’s amazing, even though that might sound a tad egotistical given that it is a giant idealised picture of me. You’re a giant idealised … Read more

So, as you probably already know, my new show is called How To Be A Leader and I’m taking it up to the Edinburgh Fringe to slug it out in the gladiator arena-cum-playpen that is this year’s Comedy Festival. It’s basically a comic lecture that has (I hope) some bits that are funny, and some … Read more

I was watching QVC when the presenter began to go gauzy, lines of beige sofa becoming visible behind her until she had vanished. The Vanilla Cupcake Medium Housewarmer Jar from Yankee Candle hovered, for a moment, in the space where her hand had been, then it hit the carpet with a thud, and a cameraman … Read more

The sun came out, and everyone got drunk Sailors kissed ladies, confetti fell like blossom Sweet music played, the champagne flowed like spunk Old enmities were set down and forgotten Babies beamed, and gurgled bold first words Granddads rubbed tears of joy from fading eyes Fish breathed the air, cats called a truce with birds … Read more

So, after a bit of a delay (we recorded one that was super-rubbish, yo) here’s the new episode of Podcast Mi Amor, starring me and Joe Deeney. This time, we talk about stalkers, strikers, and uh, strokers? No, we don’t talk about the last one. But you should listen anyway – listen here.

Well, lookie here. It’s another episode of Podcast Mi Amor, with me and Joe Deeney. This week, we talk about love songs, English frigidity, and the ethics of self-polluting whilst sprawled in manure. Stream or download it for free here.

Hey, it’s the new Podcast Mi Amor, with me, Joe Deeney and Tom Clutterbuck. You can listen to it here and download it here. This fortnight’s episode features monkeys, internet dating, and world domination. Ha! Those three things don’t go together!

Hey, the latest episode of Podcast Mi Amor is available for streaming and download, starring me, Joe Deeney, and Patrick Lappin. You can get it here. This time, the show features penguins, Terrorvision, and a stunning coup de grace delivered to the House of Saud.

Hey, so do you remember those posts I did from way back in August about setting up a ‘Poetry Takeaway’ on the streets of Edinburgh? Basically, the idea was that me and a bunch of poets sat on the Royal Mile, offering people free, bespoke poems written on any subject they like in 10 minutes … Read more