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I grew up in a little coastal West Country town you’ve probably heard of, called Portishead. To be fair, as a child, I was quite happy there. It was only when I moved away then came back that I became aware of how crazily right-wing the place is. Our local MP is the Conservative Dr … Read more

Release date: 1991 Systems: Arcade Hovering at the fringes of the beat em up genre is the slash em up – a (usually Conan-flavoured) romp through pseudo-medieval Fantasyland, slaying goblins, kobolds (I’m normally pretty good when it comes to bestiaries but if anyone can tell me the difference between a goblin and a kobold I’d … Read more

Brrr! A storm is howling down the street outside but I’m tucked up in bed with the internet, contemplating toddling downstairs to make a coffee. Life’s tough in the decadent west. I’ve been spending the last week working on edits for my novel. If it seems like I’ve been working on it for ages now, … Read more

So it’s been a week since we finished our tour of poets’ graves and I’m still letting all my thoughts percolate before I start producing new material inspired by it. Next week I’m going to be doing two gigs in London where I talk a bit about the trip, and hopefully perform one or two … Read more

Bonsoir, and welcome to another Death Of 1000 Cuts – making you an awesome writer, one cut at a time. This week, we look at another aspiring author’s first page and take the scissors to it. If you would like me to look at the first page of your novel or short story on this … Read more

The last grave we visited on our tour of poets’ graves didn’t belong to a poet at all. After paying our respects to William McGonagall in Edinburgh, we went and took our pictures at the monument to Greyfriars Bobby, the dog who supposedly stood vigil at his master’s grave for over a decade. The story … Read more

Release date: 1991 Systems: Arcade, SNES Most gamers of a certain age are familiar with the 4-player arcade title Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. As the 80s rolled into the glorious technicolor 90s, pretty much every amusements in the UK had a Turtles machine. Contrasted to the dual screen, 6-player X-Men cabinet, Vendetta, or even The … Read more

I’m back from my two week pilgrimage around poets’ graves with Mark Grist and MC Mixy. It feels weird to write that – I guess it really is over! It’ll take me a while to unpack the whole experience, so I can say something less trite than ‘wow… weird’. We kept an intermittent blog of … Read more

I’m still on tour with Mark Grist and MC Mixy, touring poets’ graves. We’ve visited Sylvia Plath, Philip Larkin, Lord Byron and William Shakespeare. We’ve gigged in a school, an office, a cinema and two castles. We’ve met a staffie, a pug, a whippet-collie cross, an Irish wolfhound, a white labrador and an angry newfoundland. … Read more

Hey everyone! Cross-posting this from the Poets’ Graves blog. On Monday we trekked out onto Dartmoor to hunt for Ted Hughes’ memorial stone. Its exact location was kept secret for several years, partly – so the story goes – for fear that Sylvia Plath supporters might deface it, and partly – again, so I’ve read … Read more

So, for the next fortnight, I’m going to be cross-posting pieces here and on the Poets’ Graves Tour blog. You should read the blog itself, as it will have posts and poems not just from me, but from Mark Grist and MC Mixy as well. I posted this piece late last night, after our launch … Read more

Hey there my dear, loyal friends. So if you read this blog you probably know that I’m off on a pilgrimage round dead poets’ graves for the next fortnight. The link there takes you to our tour route, including shows we’re doing along the way. Do tweet or email us if you fancy us making … Read more

Ola! Welcome to (a slightly tardy) Death Of 1000 Cuts – making you an awesome writer, one cut at a time. I am almost completely out of first pages, you guys! I’m firing the flare gun into the night sky. Please put the word out: aspiring authors, send me the first page of your novel … Read more

Everything Hangs In The Balance The gilt-edged sombrero, the walnut-nosed little gentleman running his pea and shells game on a paisley rug beside the steps to the opera, the bitch stoat mounting a rabbit and needling at its throat crease, the rabbit beneath, squealing, its hot, lean flanks and the hedgerow a fading murk against … Read more

Release date: 1991 Systems: Megadrive, Master System, Game Gear, Wii Virtual Console, Nintendo 3DS Right, let’s have it. As an unreconstructed Nintendo fanboy I’ve gotta confess that the knives were out for Streets Of Rage the moment I decided to embark on this foolhardy history of the beat em up. Alongside Golden Axe it’s a … Read more

Welcome, friend, to Death Of 1000 Cuts – making you an awesome writer, one cut at a time. Remember, I need first pages for In The Barber’s Chair, where I lay into the opening of an aspiring writer’s novel or short story with the scissors, in the hope of sharpening all our editing chops. If … Read more

In case you don’t know, Mark Grist, MC Mixy and I are setting off on a pilgrimage round the graves of some the UK’s most famous poets. We’re going to be learning about the lives and work of the wordsmiths who came before us, and writing new pieces inspired by them, our experiences on the … Read more

Welcome to Death Of 1000 Cuts – making you an awesome writer, one cut at a time. This week, it’s Sally’s turn In The Barber’s Chair. If you fancy having the first page of your novel or short story edit-bombed, send it to me (250 words max) via the ‘Contact Me’ link on the right. … Read more

Tonight is our monthly literary cabaret night, Homework. Each month we produce and perform new material around a set theme: like homework, geddit? This month’s theme is ‘Monologues’. I thought this would be much easier, you guys. We’re getting in some actors to deliver some of the pieces, and the rest we’re performing ourselves. I … Read more

It’s been a long road since we started our history of beat em ups way back in May, but I think we might just about be hitting the halfway mark. Cor! Over the coming weeks, we’ll be looking at all the major 3D sidescrollers before moving onto player v player beat em ups. That means … Read more

Merry Mondaymas, everyone. Welcome to another Death Of 1000 Cuts – making you an awesome writer, one cut at a time. Today we’re continuing our sweet run of editing chats – you can read the previous ones here – by talking to an actual editor – Francesca Main, of Picador. Whether you’re an author or … Read more

Hey chums. I’m in a funny place right now. Not a bad place, by any means. Certainly a busy place. But not one that lends itself to explicating in an entertaining or inherently satisfying way. When an actor or screenwriter says they’ve ‘had a lot of meetings this month’ it’s basically shorthand for ‘I am … Read more

Welcome to Death Of 1000 Cuts – making you an awesome writer, one cut at a time. It’s Thursday, which means it’s time for another In The Barber’s Chair. As always, read the extract, gather your thoughts, then read my suggestions in ‘The Cuts’. If you have the first page of a novel or short … Read more

You must know by now that I am embarking on a pilgrimage round poets’ graves in October, right? With Mark Grist and MC Mixy? And that we’re going to learn about the lives and work of the poets we visit, and write new poems, and ponder death and eternity and the meaning of it all? … Read more

Release date: 1990 Systems: Arcade, SNES, Virtual Console O Combatribes! Renegade‘s poor forgotten scion! There are a lot of beat em ups neither you nor I remember, and most of them deserve their indefinite detention in the dank oubliette of abandonware obscurity. Because they are f’awful. But Combatribes dares to ascend to the vertiginous heights … Read more