I’m not posting a Poem O’ The Week this week, and I don’t even care. Why?
Because this Friday, I will attempt to write 100 Poems In A Day. Yep, my annual run for the ton is happening a week early this year, on account of my having gigs all next week. Click on the link above to find the blog where I’ll be posting each poem as I write it. As you can imagine, my Twitterfeed is going to get pretty busy that day, so apologies in advance.
What I need from you – what I desperately need – are poem titles. I don’t have enough to get me through the day at the moment – my usual sources have been rather unforthcoming. Therefore, I implore you, I beseech you: friend, please suggest one or five or twenty poem titles in the comments below, or via the ‘Contact Me’ link on the right. I need more than 100 in total, so I’ve got options. On the day, I’ll also be taking suggestions via Twitter.
Don’t leave me hanging, team. Quality is not an issue, title-wise. Just spew some out. Let’s do this.
Hello, here are a few (apologies for the quality/lack of it):
Giant Octopus Attack in Melton Mowbray
I Wonder if that Blackbird Listens to Nü-Metal
Brit-Pop Killed My Dog
Alexander the Great, Tutankhamun and Adam Sandler Walked Into a Bar…
I Share a Desk with a Talking Cake
The Man Made Out of Post-it Notes
The Battle of Marathon (aka We Don’t Want Your Snickers)
The Day I Killed A Horse By Accident
Tim Clare: Horse Murderer
Equine Death Rattle
Assault on the Grand National Winner
The Characters from Golden Axe team up to Battle with a Horse
Horse-Murder on the Orient Express
Conan the Horse-Attacking Barbarian
Death to Horses!
You And Me And A Horse Makes Three
My friend Medea
Rabbit foot in soup
Butterfly war at dawn
Max, Steve and Barry
The German who knew my name
I’m a graff artists sidekick, who holds the paper bag
Toenails
Graft
a lonely aspidistra
heart attacks
defiance
Russel Brand
Branding Irons
Hacking
Snacking
Fracking
Here’s some:
How Magic Actually Really Works For Proper Realsies
Steven Seagal
Removing Make-up with a Paint Scraper (An Existential One)
Flippancy
My Divorce Is Falling Apart
ATTENTION WOMEN
The Thing About Everything
“Scythe” Is A Funny Word
A Mustache Made of Stars
I *Said* Good Day, Sir
An Omission of Substance
Nietzsche’s Hammock
Godsspeed. x
Shut Up, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Hate Literally Everything
What Became of Harold Bishop
Pork
Where I Lay My Killing Hat
The Kangaroo and the Dumpling
Dances With Traffic Wardens
Hungover Football Chant
Leave the Tray
A Somnambulant Child
Blizzardlizardgizzard
Trapped in a Lift with Hunter S. Thompson
456791
Imp Prisoned
Fourteenth Suggestion
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
I Liked It, Once
Dodecahedronics
Dalek Love Poem
The Last of the Chocobos
YEAH, AND WHAT OF IT?
Good luck!
DREAMY HORSE DEATH MONTAGE AT THE END OF A ROMANTIC COMEDY
How I learned to stop worrying and stop accidentally killing horses
I AM HORSE DESTRUCTOR!!
Man v Horse – The Duel!
Tales of the Horse Death Camp
Tim gets home. There’s a horse in his house. They fight. Tim wins.
Surprise! You’re Dead! (This poem is addressed to a horse)
Beware all horses! Here’s Tim Clare!
The Late Inspector Horse and his friend Lewis.
A Horse to be Reckoned With
Flogging a live horse until it is dead
The Horse Murder Roadshow
Driller-Horse-Killer
The Last Horse on the Left
Die Hard, Horse-Boy!
I Murdered a Horse with a Slice of Leerdammer, Alas.
The Ballad of Tim Clare and the Horse he Accidentally Killed
I have only one – Cannibalistic Shark Fetus.
Son, I’ve Never Killed A Tiger.
Charming Snakes.
I Am The Only Man In The World Who Hates TED Talks.
Don’t Just Bloody Stand There.
Infographics Killed My Wife.
The Case Against Helvitica.
I Forsook Everything For This.
Blood Bounce.
Who’s David Essex?
Here’s 5 for the price of one:
5 variations on the queue for the bus.
Kate wears that dress again
Kate wears that dress again
and again
An Animated Gif Of That Time We Met God
I Wish I Knew What the Insides of Your Eyes Tasted Like
The Mile High Club Can’t Handle Me Right Now
What’s Really In Toothpaste
Swans
Woken To The Sound of Unreeling Duct Tape
Favourite Bone
Bishop (Tourette’s)
The King of Mars is lonely.
From The Perspective of David Dimbleby’s Tattoo
I Don’t Care If You Invented Gravity, Newton, You’re Still A Massive Prick
BT Cut Off My Internet and Now I’ve Killed 106
My Wife Just Left Me For Father Ted
If Wednesday Came Before Friday
Ferris Bueller’s Last Day
The Ballad of Dick Cheney
A Beginner’s Guide to Online Poker
The Multitasker
Pot Holes/Hot Poles
Killing Me Softly With His Gong
Is that a thing?
That is definitely not green.
Yes. I said yes.
When it dies it lives.
She begins at 5.
Protein. Fat.
I call you my future. You call me fat.
Man Batter.
Fish-fingers, chicken-fingers, apple pie, poo.
I am not an octagon.
Dial P for Pedant.
Wedding Ringworm.
How to be a dickhead.
Hope they help, (this is not a suggestion).
This Makes You Look MORE Polish
Their First EP
Therefore It Is Bad
Syndicate in the Basement
Zugzwang
Toblerone Blues
Despite the Satsuma
Lift Turtle
Neon Croissant
He Interjected Reluctantly
Paris Drakkar
The Often Damp Perineum of the 7th Doctor
My suggestion for your poem is
TURNER THE WORM BEING SICK
go!