Since today marks the 25th birthday of Tetris, I thought meh, why not, I’ll chuck in a ‘bonus’ post. There have been many variants of Tetris over the quarter century since it first appeared, but none quite achieve the status of ‘Hatris’.
Playing Hatris is like waking to discover that, during the night, a tramp who subsists entirely on Buckfast and vindaloo has emptied his rotten bowels all over your chest and face, like some aggressively generous poo Santa. Stack five hats and they disappear! Look! The heads vaguely resemble Elvis! That’s it! That’s the entire game! Just be thankful you can’t hear the sour, brain-rotting six-second loop that constitutes the only in-game music.
Fill up the word ‘SALE’ by stacking enough hats and you get to remove one type of hat from the board. And look! The Elvises have turned into vague Regan simulacra! Aha! Aha ha ha! Brilliant! I must play on to see the next row of crudely rendered celebrity faces! Or open my wrists lengthways! One of the two, definitely!
So yeah, before you get too dewy-eyed about Tetris’ glorious legacy, take a moment to remember Hatris, and consider if we wouldn’t all be better off if Alexey Pajitnov had been relocated to Siberia for some hard labour.