So, I’ve got a little article in The Independent today. Annoyingly, some doltish sub-editor went in, cut out several important sections and changed the box-out at the end. Originally, they emailed and said ‘oh, and I thought it would be rather amusing if Tim wrote a tongue-in-cheek 5 steps on “How Not To Get Published”‘, which I duly did. I wrote them in a deliberately pretentious, arty-farty voice because, you know, that was kind of the joke. For example, Number 5 was ‘The Writers’ Handbook and Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook are produced by publishers, and are therefore biased. Ignore them.’ This got changed to: ‘5. The Writers’ Handbook and Writers’ and Artists’ Yearbook are both produced by publishers. Ignore them at your peril.’

They’re saying that’s my suggestion for what not to do? Oh pillockish Indy and your cash-strapped knee-jerk hackery! Did it not occur to you that I might mind your chopping my article to bits then printing it under my name without asking? Grr.

In better news, we did the London launch of We Can’t All Be Astronauts last night in Soho, at Salena Godden’s Book Club Boutique. Joe Dunthorne, Ross Sutherland and Steve Aylett all did brilliant readings and I met up with people I haven’t seen in ages. Copious, grovelling sackfuls of thanks to everybody who took the time to come down. I felt very flattered and special and basically great about myself and all my friends. If you were there, thanks very much and I hope you enjoyed it. Also, you have very good taste and you’re cool.

4 thoughts on “How To Get A Book Deal”

  1. Hi, just found out about your book (I'm in the U.S.) It sounds great. I'm one of those people you described in the article who had to move back in with parents, get a therapist, watch friends succeed, etc. while struggling to get published. Congrats on your success!

  2. I thought the Indy were getting rid of sub-editors, so 'cash-strapped' are they. You probably got caught by the last surviving one in the job. Dicks. I used to share an office with our subs and you can imagine the scornful glances I had to throw them every morning when I saw what they'd done with my work. Get used to it, I guess. We are mere copywriting robots…

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