Archive of entries posted on

Stand-Up at the Big Fish

So, This American Life have devoted one of their TV shows to stand-up. Here’s a clip, where they cover an open mic night at a bar. I hope this gives you an idea of why I’m so excited about my open mic project, and all the stories and people that are out there: I don’t […]

Ukulele Record Breakers, Glastonbury and Horrific Torture

So here’s a video of our attempt to break the world record for most ukuleles playing together at the London Ukulele Festival. I’d been there to open the Grass Ukes Stage, and also because they had an open mic, but I think the world record attempt was pretty much the biggest open mic I’ve ever […]

Aisle16 at Glastonbury Festival

It’s appropriate that Glastonbury is organised by a farmer, because the ancient and fundamental principle of the yearly harvest also applies to the festival – if the weather’s shit, it’ll be shit. I hope that the weather isn’t shit at Glastonbury 2009, because firstly, have you seen the line up? WHAT. It’s actually mental. Blur, […]

Interview With Me, Plus We Can’t All Be Astronauts ‘Hilarious’ Reveals Grazia

There’s an interview with me up on, which you can go read if you’re somehow not satisfied with the current volume of unsolicited self-disclosure on this here weblog. In other news, I am SO in Grazia today. Well, We Can’t All Be Astronauts is anyhoo. Lauren Laverne dubs it ‘hilarious’. Thank you, Lauren. Do […]

We Can’t All Be Astronauts Launch Pics

These are some pics from the launch of We Can’t All Be Astronauts. Joe Dunthorne, Ross Sutherland, Steve Aylett and Salena Godden all did some terrific readings, and a good time was had by all. Pics courtesy of Dan ‘Scoopmeister’ Derrett.

We Can’t All Be Astronauts – Review 2

So I got another review of We Can’t All Be Astronauts, this time at writers’ website You can read the full thing here, if you like. The reviewer, Judy Darley, is mostly nice about it. She says some bits are ‘truly fascinating’, that ‘you can’t help but be awed by his audacity’ and that […]


So if you’ve been doggedly following my blog for some time now, you’ll know I’m a capering ninny of a fanboy for Andrew Hussie’s MS Paint Adventures. I’ve posted several times before about the marble cake of win that is his text adventure meets webcomic meets ‘what if you could play the most awesome video […]

How To Get A Book Deal – Director’s Cut

So, I thought I might as well post up the original text of my article on how to get published that The Independent commissioned then wankerishly mangled. I know I’m being a teensy bit precious but it is a bit galling when you get an article printed in a national newspaper but they edit out […]

How To Get A Book Deal

So, I’ve got a little article in The Independent today. Annoyingly, some doltish sub-editor went in, cut out several important sections and changed the box-out at the end. Originally, they emailed and said ‘oh, and I thought it would be rather amusing if Tim wrote a tongue-in-cheek 5 steps on “How Not To Get Published”‘, […]

Poetry’s First Pop Group

Someone suggested I watch this video from back in 1998, of ‘poetry’s first pop group’, Atomic Lip. In the aftermath, I find myself uncharacteristically lost for words. Wow. Just wow. Actually spectacular. Anyone starting out in performance poetry could learn a huge amount from this video. Just study the choreography, their various delivery techniques, and […]

Games With Stupid Names – #4: Hatris

Since today marks the 25th birthday of Tetris, I thought meh, why not, I’ll chuck in a ‘bonus’ post. There have been many variants of Tetris over the quarter century since it first appeared, but none quite achieve the status of ‘Hatris’. Yes. It’s Tetris but with hats. WACKY. Playing Hatris is like waking to […]

Games With Stupid Names – #3: Cotton Boomerang

Cotton Boomerang (full title Cotton Boomerang: Magical Night Realms) is a side-scrolling shooter that takes the hypercolour cutesy aesthetics of games like Pop n’ Twinbee and Parodius, dials back on the self-consciously wacky elements, adds a touch of R-Type, then finishes with smatterings of that deliciously cultish shoot-em-up sub-genre, ‘bullet hell’, to create a game […]

Games With Stupid Names – #2: Appoooh

Appoooh is an early attempt by Sega to capture the excitment and sweaty, balletic majesty of pro-wrestling, without actually forking out for the rights to the WWF franchise. This 1984 button mashathon sees you limp and jerk around the ring, punching, kicking and grappling your opponent into a stupor before going for that all-important pin. […]

Games With Stupid Names – #1: Tinkle Pit

Tinkle Pit is the kind of hyper-cutesy epic bananas-ness that peaked in video gaming around the late 80s and early 90s. For the most part Taito had this market all sewn up, with the Bubble Bobble franchise, New Zealand Story, Don Doko Don, Rodland and Liquid Kids amongst others. Namco clearly decided they could go […]

Booktrust Interview

Oh sheesh y’all, if you have a sixty second window in your schedule lolling open and unsightly like some ageing schnauzer’s slobber-rimmed gob then why not cram a tasty shin bone in there – metaphorically, bien sûr – by reading my short interview on the Booktrust website. I drop so much knowledge it’s like I’m […]

Penzance, May 28th

So I caught the train down to Penzance, my nose all runny from hayfever and my shirt sticking to my back in the heat. As you get close, the track is bordered by lots of verdant spiky bushes and trees that look like they belong in Malta or, y’know, somewhere rather hot and exotic. When […]